Essay Comparison of Roman and Persian Empire

The foundations of an ancient empire are shaped by many characteristics originating in a civilization’s social, philosophical, and theological values. Collectively these will bring about an empire that has aspects which will classify them in distinctive ways. The aspects that will be compared between Persia and Rome are the motives for expansion, methods of expansion, religion. When combined, these aspects predispose the individual overall shape of ancient Rome and Persia.

Both empires began with conquering larger rulers and creating vast empires which had never been seen before, but as they grew, their ideologies on diversification differed because of the characteristics of their empires. The Persians mainly decided to let those which they conquered remain culturally unaltered allowing for more acceptance and acknowledgement of their ruling entity. On the other hand, the Romans aggressively attempted to Romanize the conquered, creating unease and tension.
The Persians relished and perfected an offensive approach to expansion. Cyrus instigated the wars that the Persians were part of in order to gain more power and wealth. The Persians method of expansion was war. Persia was effective in this strategy because they came out of nowhere fast. Why this worked so well was because before anyone really realized what was happening, the Persians had already attacked and were moving on to the next victim. Similar to Persia, the Romans expansion caught on like a wild fire which eventually brought Rome to an immensely power and true force to be reckoned with. Like Persia, the Romans used war to expand their empire. They were successful using the same overall method but the reason it was so successful for them was because of their army.
The Persians had different religious gatherings, including the Egyptians, Jews, and Greeks. Zoroastrianism arose in the eastern region of the ancient Persian Empire, when the religious philosopher Zoroaster simplified the pantheon of early Iranian gods. Romans believed in Judaism and Christianity, and they obliged every single person in their empire to be either of these.
Although the ways of expansion in ancient Rome and Persia were similar in their military expansion, the motives and methods led to different toleration of conquered people. In Persia they did not try to change anyone culturally but instead allowed them to live as they were under the Persian protective and governing body.
 

The Exemplification Essay

The need for clothing is one of life‘s bare necessities and how we choose to wear it defines the kind of person we are. I believe that the quote, “what you are is what you wear“, is entirely true because people express themselves and their feelings through their appearances. In order to express ourselves accurately we must be aware that clothing reflects personality traits, social status, and occasions.

To begin, consider athletes who tend to be more casual in their choice of clothes, and when it comes to color choices they would choose bright and vivid colors. Another example would be a manager who tends to be meticulous in choosing clothing. As you see, you can picture these people simply in your mind, because people have their own preferences based on their personalities.

An additional example in terms of social status would be a person who applies for a job as a general practitioner. He would definitely miss it if he dressed up in jeans and t-shirt on the interview. In order to get the job he would wear a nice tailored suit and dress to his best to give a good impression and represent himself in a professional manner. How we choose to apparel defines our social status in the society.

The last and the most important example is choosing the appropriate attire for a funeral service when you want to show respect for the person whose life you are remembering. Social etiquette dictates us to wear dark, formal dresses or suits. Etiquette of proper attire helps us to behave in a socially responsible way and helps us gain respect, trust and appreciation from others.

In conclusion clothing says a lot about us, our personality, our status in the society, and the way we follow social trends, and I believe that what a person looks on the outside resembles how he or she thinks on the inside.

 

Sajedeh B Negahban's comment:

Dear Samane,

,I highly enjoyed reading your essay. What I mostly liked was that unity  as a main element of a proper essay, was seen all through your essay. Moreover, the increasing importance of the examples you've  provided was very significant

 ّFarya Mokhtari's comment:

 Dear Samane,

Here are some points that I’ve noticed in your essay.

-1 I found your introduction very inviting as the reader will be curious to keep on reading your essay, because of the hook and the quote that you’ve restated.

-2 The thesis statement in this essay is : in order to express ourselves accurately we must be aware that clothing reflects personality traits, social status, and occasions.

-3 and  I believe that the thesis is sufficiently narrowed down.

-4 The pattern of organization is the use of examples as it’s a example essay, in my opinion the examples are nicely stated, but they are not thoroughly supported; for examples consider your first developing paragraph, I really didn’t get the idea of how the personality traits are reflected as the personalities are not stated, as a suggestion you can add the kinds of personalities the people have based on their choice of clothes .

-5 The use of proper transition has given your essay a sense of cohesion.

-6 The developing paragraphs support the thesis, but as I said before the examples are not developing enough.

-8 The conclusion is logical as it’s restating the thesis statement and has logical connection with the whole essay.

-9 I think the best part in your essay is the introduction as the hook is inviting and I really like the use of the quote.

 

 

 

Expository

Expository - Opinion 

Over the past century, sculptures have had dynamic and drastic changes. In the past most of the sculptures used to be figurative or imitation of nature, but artists broke out with looking at different materials and stop making pre-existing objects. The most significant example of these brilliant artists is Tony Cragg, whose artwork is exhibited on the Museum of Contemporary Art these days. As most of modern sculptors, his crafts are abstract which makes you think more about the concept. If you want to know more about modern sculpture, it would be a good idea to visit this exhibition.

Expository Factual Statement

Nowadays technological advancement plays a big role in our lives. It directly impacted our lives in terms of communication, business, and entertainment. One of the most important changes which technology, particularly the internet, brought us is easier communication. We can simply interact with people in remote areas or instantly share information with the help of social media. Businesses have also benefited immensely by their staff performing their tasks at home. E-banking also helps business access financial services in order to sell their goods online. Finally we can consider technology as a means of entertainment which is consist of online games, online libraries and e-books. Besides these breakthroughs technology will continue to benefit humankind.

Farya Mokhtari's Comment :

The topic is that the sculptures have had drastic changes.and I think it’s narrowed enough.

The topic sentence: Over the past century sculptures have had dynamic and drastic changes.

All the sentences are supporting the controlling idea and all of them are relevant.

It’s an expository paragraph and the writer has used appropriate example.

Description

My grand mom’s room, with its dark brown drapes, is so calm and cozy. There is a mysterious closet at the left corner of her room which is filled with her clothes, some documents, some old photo albums, and her letters. Her bed which is always covered with embroidered bedspread, is on the right side of the room, and her cane leaned on a nightstand, with my grandfather’s picture on it, is closed to it. There is a large window covered by brown drapes opening to flower bed in the yard. Against the wall, across the bed, photos of her beloved children and grand-children are hanged on. There is a mirror on her drawer and next to it is a radio combined with a gramophone on the other side of the room, which is broken, and she keeps it as her husband’s memento. The floor is covered with a beautiful Persian carpet with colorful flowers on it, which my cousin and I used to play with our toys on it. The room is filled with the smell of coffee since she used to drink a sip of coffee every morning because of her migraine. 
 
 
Mahsa is a very beautiful and charming girl and always attracts people’s attention. She has straight brown hair and deep chestnut brown eyes. Like most teenagers she pays a lot of attention to her appearance and likes dressing in the latest and most extravagant fashion.By nature Mahsa is communicative and outgoing, and her biggest dream is to become a singer and I truly believe that one day she’ll make her wish come true. As a normal human being, however, Mahsa also has her shortcomings. She never goes on time to her dates. Sometimes she is absent-minded and inconsiderate and that makes people think she never takes things seriously, however; she has a strong sense of responsibility and you can always rely on her. The thing I admire most about Mahsa is that she is protective and likes to look after people. For me, friendship is the most important thing in the world. I am proud to say that I have such loyal and helpful friend.

Farya Mokhtari's comment:

the paragraph is a description of a person.At first the writer has focused only on the physical features of the person but then the main stress is on the characteristics of that person.
 

Typical past event narrative paragraph

One summer day when I was sixteen, I was introduced to a canoeing campaign, and it was the first time that I had experienced swimming and canoeing in dam. It was a clear sunny day, when we arrive at dam people were standing in line in order to get life jacket and paddles, and when we get ours chatting and laughing we carry the boats, which was called Kayak, to the water’s edge. We went to settle in the boats and after the guardian enlightened us about the route and how to get the last stage, we started a kind of race. It was an appealing experience, while I was watching the reflection of the blue sky in water, and the ripples of water, and at the same trying to conquer the race makes me consider it as life which makes you enjoy and pushes you toward success.

Free writing using Wh words

 

“Wh” Questions

Where is Abyaneh?

What is Abyaneh famous for?

How many people live there?

What is the language spoken there?

 

 

Abyaneh  a spectacular village at Karkas mountain near Kashan,  is famous for its wonderful red soil so that it is also called Red village. The culture of Abyaneh has been preserved with 300 residents speaking Pahlavi language and dressing traditional costumes. With its distinctive architecture, traditional mud brick houses, and unique red hills, it is a destination for tourists all around the world. 

Farya Mokhtari's Comment :

The topic is about Abyaneh

And in my opinion it could have been more narrowed down if we focused only one aspect of itthis paragraph is a decriptive type.

Observation

 

 

·         Observing Contemporary Museum of Art

·         Observing crowd in the city

·         Visiting a church

 

I have been always crazy about Russia and its cultural background. Visiting Russia, specially Saint Petersburg, was my dream. Last summer my dream comes true. In the fourth day of my journey I happen to visit a church yet I have no idea what its name was, by the way I consider it as one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. The architecture of the dome was so magnificent which could mesmerize the observer. As I entered ,a priest was preaching a sermon, pilgrims stood still and repeated some word, which I have no idea what it was. After some minutes I experienced a strange feeling, as if I could understand my surroundings. It seemed I had been here before but not.It was the most impressive senses ever to me.

task1

Outline-Draft-revision-edit-final draft

 Academic Writing

Outline

Enhance your vocabulary:

Do plenty of reading

Use google assistant or Siri

Make sentences with new words you’ve learnt in conversations

Use correct grammar:

Syntax

Punctuation

Tone of voice

Coherence:

Use logical progression

Train of thoughts

Use transitional words and phrases

Final draft

Academic writing is the most important challenge for university students. They should provide descriptive, analytical, persuasive and critical reports related to their courses. When I started university I confront the difficulty how to write a proper article. I follow three steps in order to improve my writing skill: enhancing vocabulary domain, using correct grammar, and paying attention to coherence.

A wide range of vocabulary will allow us to express what you mean, and academic writing requires sophisticated vocabulary. As soon as I started writing for my reading courses I realized that I have to improve my vocabulary domain. To achieve this goal I began to read novels and lots of short stories, and search new word with the help of google assistant__ which let you not to type. I wrote new word in a notebook and tried to make sentences with them.

In the second step I realized that the most important consideration when I ‘m writing is making myself easy for the reader to understand; so I double checked the syntax of my sentences, and omitted rambling ones. While I was revising my articles I mind whether I use the correct punctuation marks. As I mention I read a lot to improve my writing, so that I understood in most of academic essays the tone of voice is active rather than passive; therefore I use this technique in my essays. Having practiced a lot I realize my essays become more detailed, easier to read, and much more interesting; however  the logical sequence was a problem.

The last step was finding a logical progression and fitting all the ideas together, which is the most important part. By using transitional expressions, and making my train of thoughts in the logical sequence, I relate my sentences to each other.

Learning how to write an academic writing requires advanced vocabulary, correct use of grammar, and a logical progression in sentences. I tried so hard during last year ; however it needs lots of effort to become a professional academic writer.

 

Farya Mokhtari's Comment 

 Th intro is inviting as it’s referring to an anecdote.The thesis is:I follow three steps in order to improve my writing skill:....

The thesis is narrowed down ,focusing on the subject.The order of organization is from the most familiar to the least The conclusion is logical as it’s a restatement of the thesis